Open letter from planet mercury to people living on planet earth.
I move so quickly, approximately 88 days of your life on earth is my year. So at times you perceive me to be moving in backward motion. It’s all about your perception from earth.
I take up on myself the tedious task of managing your communication including listening, reading, learning, editing, writing, researching, talking, programming, coding, etc.
All aspects of trade and commerce come under my supervision so activities like buying, selling, negotiating etc are ruled by me.
I also manage your travel and transportation including shipping, delivering, conveyance of information, etc.
Most importantly, i have the huge responsibility on my shoulders to manage your intellect.
I do this day and night without any rest. And during my retrograde period, i am not powering these aspects of your life. That is all.
The things you blame on me when am in retrograde
- “My computer crashed on me. It is the Mercury Retrograde.” – When you end up misusing your computer for months without proper care.
- “I am sorry, its not me – It is mercury retrograde.” – When you end up saying unwanted things out of your own misunderstanding and judgement.
- “I missed my connecting flight. Damn this mercury retrograde” – when you book your tickets without using your brains to see if you will have enough time to make it. Unless it is by united airlines – then blame it on them as they are delayed more often than others.
- “I lost all my contacts on my phone. Oh no not again mercury!” – when you were irresponsible and probably stingy that you did not want to pay a dime to back it up on the cloud ?
- “What! Did i sign up for a 2 year lease? I thought it was 1 – I dread mercury retrograde” – Don’t you have eyes? Don’t you know to read ?
- “I am late for my meeting thanks to mercury in retrograde” – Don’t you know you can check for traffic before you leave your house? You wake up late and blame it on me?
- “I don’t feel like working, anyway mercury is retrograde” – Come on! This is called laziness not retrograde.
- “We were double booked, the reservation system acted up because of mercury retrograde” – Why not blame the restaurant that actually acted up or their information system that acted up or the lousy programmers that ACTUALLY acted up?
- “I charged my phone overnight, but it did not charge and i found out that i forgot to plug it in. Oh yeah mercury is retrograde” – It’s your brain that was in retrograde.
And there are more insane ones, you won’t believe how people on earth find creative ways to blame me.
- My dog ate my sock – Mercury is retrograde
- My date canceled on me – mercury is retrograde
- I lost my keys to my car – mercury is retrograde
- The milk has gone bad – mercury is retrograde
- The handyman broke my drier – mercury is retrograde
- I booked the wrong dates for my flight – mercury is retrograde
- I missed my stop on the train – mercury is retrograde
- I can’t find my charger – mercury is retrograde
- I never meant to propose, sorry mercury is retrograde.
- My digestive system is out of order – mercury is retrograde.
- I am unable to think clearly – mercury is retrograde.
and many many many more!
Stop blaming me! Stop it now!